Tuesday, December 2, 2008
How can a guy be an effective, satisfying Top if he is emotionally detached and unavailable? How can he handle the emotions that he is helping the Bottom to reveal if he is numb to his own emotional expression? Maybe some Bottoms prefer a detached, unemotional experience with very little affection. It doesn't work for me though. A bottom gives a Top an almost sacred trust; they are trusting the Top with not only their physical self but their emotional one as well. A bottom trusts that they can fall and that they will be caught safely and kept safe. If a Top is an iceberg who doesn't talk much or give physical contact beyond spanking I don't see how a bottom, at least one like me, can feel safe. Topping isn't just about beating an ass. At least for me it's about caring, communication and at least a little affection, especially after the spanking is done. Aftercare is ESSENTIAL. I'm not just talking about arnica -I'm talking about bringing the bottom back from that place where they allowed the Top to take them. Bringing the bottom back to Present Moment. Making sure that they are well, physically and emotionally - so many feelings and emotional patterns get revealed during even the most playful scenes! Bottoms need to be debriefed - no pun intended! I'm also aware that Tops need to come back to the moment as well. Tops experience a similar phenomena to the dreaded "sub drop" (the endorphin drop) - being aware of and in touch with the emotions involved could only help a Top get through this. Am I wrong? Anyone care to comment?